So much of the time when considering transitioning I have feared the unknown. What will happen with my job and my ability to support my family, what about my relationship with my wife, will she still be attracted to me and stay with me, is my transition an ‘until death us do part’, will I have an intact family to support if I transition, what about my kids from my first marriage, the weddings to come, first dances, father of the bride, “where is my grandpa?”, how will my siblings react, will my friends accept me, am I being deceived, am I deceiving myself, will I have to completely rebuild my life after 60, how will I do that, will everyone think my life has been a complete lie, and on and on.
Thank you so much for putting this all out there, Joanna. I got chills reading. We tend to hear (and normalize) the happy, euphoric gender transition stories, but I wonder if we downplay the struggles, mental battles, and all the things that have to be so carefully weighed pre-transition that you've outlined perfectly right here... I wonder if we don't talk enough about these things, because it perhaps feeds the fear narrative, especially, the one used by anti-trans folks who think trans people are just "confused." There's a huge difference between confusion and anxiety. Or between confusion and fear of the unknown. At the same time, I think it's perfectly fine for anyone under the trans umbrella to feel confused - no one is immune from that feeling. Anyway, I'm rambling. But I want to thank you for your brave, bold, authentic voice, and let you know we're all here to support you - even if only "virtually."