But I haven’t had the “I need to tell you something…” kind of talk with anyone. I was the child who wrote essays to explain why I needed a cat and made a pamphlet when I wanted to go vegetarian. But there won’t be a “love is love” speech from me or a Powerpoint. There will be no dramatic monologues from this actress. I’ll be nonchalant about it all because I can be.
Omg. I just realized you are describing my trans non-binary 14 year old perfectly. I got chills reading this. As a cis mom, I can't relate to what being transgender feels like, but my husband and I have raised our 3 kids (2 of whom are now adults) to know that our love for them is unconditional, regardless of labels or any of the typical parental expectations (or assumptions). Like you, my trans teen created a powerpoint presentation (including research and sources) to prove why they were ready for a hamster in 5th grade. Among other things.
Also like you, they are nonchalant about their gender identity. This has mystified me. It wasn't always like this - they socially transitioned during 5th grade. We live in the south. Surrounded by conservatives. I can't imagine the bravery it took my child to go from "male" to non-binary, *very* feminine presenting trans person. In a school where everyone knew them as he/him, a boy.
I've offered taking them to various activity & support groups where they can meet like-minded people. They've done a few. But they aren't overly concerned with that. Nor are they trying to attend "support" groups with other trans teens at our local LGBT Center, or actively connect w/other trans teens in general. In fact, their attitude is more "I really don't want to go do that."
This has sort of shocked me, especially since so many of the other teens in these groups can't seem to get there fast enough. I've been worried about my teen's lack of desire to participate, wondering if there's something deeper going on. Through your story, you've helped me to realize that maybe, just maybe, my child doesn't want to go because they don't feel a *need* to go. And that's okay. Thank you so much for this.